I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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