Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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