We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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