the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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