I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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