He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
