i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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