i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
