Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
