Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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