the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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