You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
