Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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