Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
