my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
