he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
