Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
that's an acceptable place to lick
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
