You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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