is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
