i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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