I bet he comes in French.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
