What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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