and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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