WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
