You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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