Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
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I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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