how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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