first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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