a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
