at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
