How'd it feel making her break her religion?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
