Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
