spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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