if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
