We're like a lot better than the average bears
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
