i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
