I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
