Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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