I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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