i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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