Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
