she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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