i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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