I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You took a bar mat shot.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
