dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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