so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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