I cannot find my penis.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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