turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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