i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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