Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
