I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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