just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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