White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
