I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
