I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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