im about as happy as oj after his trial
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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