so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
