Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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