i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I forget how to act sober
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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