I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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