the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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