He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
