So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
