I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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