dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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